I'm not going to mince words here: Full Moon was a shitshow. It was the shittiest of all the shitshows. Imagine tens of thousands of kids, many of whom are incapable of holding their liquor, partying on the beach. It was loud, obnoxious, dirty, and seemingly never-ending. And fun!
Around 12:30, I snagged a water taxi from Haad Thien (where the Sanctuary is) and set off for Haad Rin. Normally I wouldn't go to a party that late, but seeing as how I had to make it to sunrise, a late start seemed appropriate. The boat ride alone was almost as memorable as the party. We raced over the water in near blackness, with only the stars and the full moon overhead providing illumination. As we rounded the cape, the lights of the party were but a shimmering in the distance. The drone of the engine monotonously carried on as the wind rushed through our hair and the boat tore through the calm waters. No one onboard bothered trying to carry on a conversation; we all sat quietly and soaked in the moment. The whole scene had a very Michael Mann feel to it. Add some Phil Collins and you've got an aquatic version of that famous scene from Miami Vice. Crocker and Tubbs were probably heading into a much more dangerous situation, but never underestimate the potential deadliness of Full Moon parties. People have died (for real).
Slowly, the lights grew larger and brighter until the entire beach and its nocturnal inhabitants were clearly visible. Once the boat's engine was shut off, the repetitive thumping of bass coming from dozens of simultaneous beach parties became audible and was to serve as the soundtrack for the next however-many hours. As I jumped off the boat and stormed the beach in a humorous EDM version of D-Day (EDM-Day?), I realized the World War II analogy could be stretched further. There was already carnage everywhere: the beach was filled with people, most of whom were still upright, but already some good men (and women) had been lost. Not even 1:00 yet, and there were dozens passed out in the sand, couples making out on the ground, and intoxicated bros using the ocean as a toilet. A toilet that you stand in. Welcome to Full Moon!
Half of the partygoers had neon Full Moon shirts, half had buckets, half had body paint, and all of them were Westerners. The only Thai participation in Full Moon comes in the form of bartending, serving food, driving taxis, and possibly offering medical assistance. I didn't see any police presence the entire night, a feat pretty incredible considering there were literally tens of thousands of people in a fairly small space. I would say "Welcome to Thailand!", but I think the more accurate sentiment here is "Welcome to Koh Phangan!" I've heard enough stories from locals and expats to get a decent idea of the shady dealings and minimal law enforcement that keep this island operating smoothly.
Most of the parties played a style of music that I'll describe as house-slash-dance-remixes-of-popular-songs. The two bars at the north end of the beach, Kangaroo Bar and Mellow Mountain (who both openly serve mushroom shakes), played very danceable house, one party played terrible drum-and-bass (redundant, I know), one party had a trance/progressive vibe and a chill-out lounge next door, and a few other DJs played techno and psy-trance.
A quick note about the "buckets" I mentioned earlier: imagine those little plastic buckets that kids play with at the beach. Now imagine that you take out all the sand and put in ice, vodka, Coke, and Red Bull. You might think that serving those en masse to young adults on holiday for a few bucks a piece would be a disaster, and you'd be right. As previously noted, people were dropping like flies barely past midnight at an all-night party. I value my health and my personal belongings, so I avoided the buckets like the plague. In fact, I stayed sober the entire night so I could make it to sunrise and be somewhat human the following day. After spending a little bit of time on the beach, I was really, really happy with that decision. There was enough going on without brain modification.
There isn't too much else to note. I bounced back and forth between the two bars on the north end and the trance area, stopping occasionally to eat some street food or caffeinate. As morning approached, I plopped down on the sand with many others and enjoyed the sunrise. Once 8:00 rolled around, I grabbed a water taxi back to Haad Thien and strolled into the Sanctuary's restaurant, still donning sunglasses, a bandana, party clothes, glow sticks, and fluorescent body paint. One of the waiters gave me a smirk when he saw me, to which I responded: "I'm going to need to see a food menu immediately." I enjoyed my muesli, yogurt, and pancakes in my party getup as hippies in yoga pants and sarongs sat at the tables next to me. It was clear (to me, at least) who was making the right decisions in life. It was a delightful end to the evening.
After four days at the Sanctuary, I decided to relocate to a quieter part of the island. I was actually quite happy to leave as the Sanctuary was a bit of a disappointment for me. I happily offer the disclaimer that I'm not in their target demographic since I didn't go there for any healing or meditation or yoga. My stay there was unconventional: I wanted a quiet place close to Full Moon (but not in Haad Rin) and I wanted good food. The Sanctuary's menu is quite phenomenal for a restaurant in Thailand, but unfortunately the execution is sorely lacking. Everything was hit-or-miss, mostly miss. It's hard to describe succinctly, but almost everything I ate or drank there was just "off"; I could usually identify two or three things wrong with every dish. It doesn't make me happy to bash them, so I'll stop there. The culinary variety was still very much appreciated. In the interest of ending on a high note, I will say that the cashew-pesto-cheese wraps were legitimately awesome.
After leaving Haad Thien, I relocated to Haad Yao, where I settled into Shiralea Backpackers Resort. Within two minutes of getting there, I already knew I liked it ten times better than the Sanctuary and knew that my stay would be much longer than the three days I booked. I wasted no time in extending my reservation as long as I could and now I'll be here until the day before I leave the island. The staff is fantastic, the food is delicious and cheap, there's a swimming pool and massage hut onsite, the bungalows and the grounds are really nice, and Haad Yao is a much nicer beach than Haad Thien. I feel like I'm in a treehouse for adults when I'm listening to hip-hop, mashups, and Pablo Francisco standup over the stereo in the open-air, bamboo-constructed restaurant with a thatched roof and a full bar.
My main concern each day is going to the clinic for a cleaning and new bandages, but fortunately that never takes much time. Because of my new location on the island, it's now much cheaper and faster to rent a motorbike and drive myself rather than take a taxi or walk. Motorbiking around the island has been a real treat, both for exploring and for enjoying the scenery; there's nothing quite like zipping down a road at 80 kph with a jungle on one side and a beach on the other to reinforce the fact that you're on holiday in a pretty cool place. Other than my daily medical attention, my main tasks, in the name of recuperating myself, are sleeping, eating, drinking tropical shakes and lassis, getting massages, laying on the beach, and reading. If I'm feeling energetic enough (which is difficult in the heat and humidity), I'll try my hand at photography or writing.
I anticipate that my remaining four or five days on Koh Phangan (and in Thailand in general) will be mostly the same, which is just fine by me. I've already booked my flights and lodging for Bali, September's locale, so I'm feeling very happy about my immediate future. I've started correspondence with the two animal shelters in Ubud concerning volunteer opportunities and I feel that one of them will definitely pan out (once my rabies vaccine is complete in a week). More to come once I'm in Indonesia.
For no particular reason, here is a list of things I've gotten used to in Thailand:
For no particular reason, here is a list of things I've gotten used to in Thailand:
- Dangerous forms of transportation
- Stupid Thai-style bathrooms that don't have a separate shower (basically the entire bathroom is the shower)
- Pineapple and watermelon (alongside bananas and raisins) in my morning muesli
- 7-11 stores (and 7-11 knockoffs) everywhere
- Skin care products (even from famous international brands) advertising their skin-whitening ability
- Breaking thousand-baht bills whenever possible because they're annoying
- Dirt cheap everything and no tipping!
- The last three months of Wired magazine
- When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? by George Carlin
- How Soccer Explains the World: An Unlikely Theory of Globalization by Franklin Foer
- Nightfall and Other Stories by Isaac Asimov
